How do you show love?
I was going to write about laughter. Recently, I have been really happy, laughing a lot and smiling all the time. But some unprecedented events took place this weekend, and so I decided to write about them and how they simultaneously cultivated my relationship.
The one thing I have been thinking about lately is the ways we show love. I used to think it was with kind words and flowers, but having read the five love languages, not only did I confirm that those are other ways to show love, gifts and words of affirmation being some of them, but I also found MY love language. Attention. And this week I have been fortunate and unfortunate enough to experience it on a whole new level. Let me tell you a short story.
This Saturday, I had a crazy idea to take two of our dogs for a walk. In my head, it sounded like a good plan. They’re both the same age, same built, same nature. At least so I thought. To my shock, nothing went as planned. The two dogs got into a fight and as we were trying to separate them, we both got bitten quite badly. And now that I’m lying in bed, recording this message cuz I cannot type, I realise that my partner gave me tons of attention in the past 24 hours which made love him even more. He looked after me and cared for me in a way nobody else ever did before. He cured my cuts, hanged the laundry, and even brought me breakfast to bed. If you could hear me now, I would be sobbing (thanks gosh it's written).
Thanks to this painful experience, I saw another level of our love. Not only is he a wonderful person, a great partner, and a thoughtful man, he is also a loving, kind, and tender human being. I probably keep on repeating myself but every time we encounter a new experience together, I’m amazed by his ability to adapt and to treat me well. He is amazing in dealing with my snappy reactions, my hotheaded decisions, and words I say without thinking. He even learned to read in my eyes so sometimes we say nothing at all. These are many of the ways I call love.
Every time we encounter a new experience together, I’m amazed by his ability to adapt and to treat me well.
Though I don’t say it enough, I am incredibly grateful for having him in my life. And this weekend, I discovered a new way of showing love / affection / attention. Call it whatever you’d like, but when you’re tied to your bed, unable to do a thing, breaking up in tears all the time, with your head spinning and your stomach floating, having someone by your side to look after everything, most importantly after yourself, that’s what I call a pure miracle.
At every stage of our relationship, I see different ways of Mark showing love to me. And though he rarely says it, I know it’s true. There is the thought, there is the connection, which I talk about far too often, there is the energy when two separate souls are in sync. And I don’t say this because I want to be loved, but because putting it into words helps me believe it. Writing poems, moving in together, serving breakfast in bed are acts of kindness to show you care about someone. Please take this as an inspiration of how you can show love to your beloved ones. I’m sure they know you love them, but unless they see it, they might find it difficult to believe. I might be wrong, but I doubt that anyone would ever get offended by being treated nicely, kindly, and with respect.
Speaking about it now, I realise, that this does not apply only to romantic relationships. Quite the contrary, it should apply to all kinds of relationships, with friends, family, and colleagues. I’m not saying you should love everyone, but suggesting that life is too short to avoid doing things that might embarrass you in your head, but in reality, they feel wonderful. And therefore, having Mark put a plaster on my finger when I was bursting into tears and saying everything is going to be alright, was exactly the kind of treatment I needed in that particular moment. It was an expression of love. And here I am crying again.
I doubt that anyone would ever get offended by being treated nicely, kindly, and with respect.
Do you know how to show and receive love? We grew accustomed to believing that it is the case when they either put a ring on our finger or move in together. One day, we start taking their love for granted. But it shouldn’t be like this. Take this as an inspiration to think of ways to show and receive love. The options are endless, what matters is that you go and ACT: show your love to your friends, family, or anybody else you care about. Because life is too short to avoid doing things we want to do but are scared of.
We sometimes forget to talk about our emotions, leave alone showing them, but I believe that it is non-negligible, because performing a simple act of kindness reinforces that feeling. Some people may not feel comfortable doing so, and that’s absolutely fine, but I encourage you to push the boundaries - this is a lovely way to do so.
If there is someone you care about, dare I say you love, go ahead and show them. Either verbally or nonverbally, the form is secondary, what matters most is you taking the action. It might not come easy, but it’s worth it! For me, it was getting bitten by a dog, and my partner looking after me. For you, it might be something completely different (I hope!). Again, what matters the idea behind it. And so I invite you once more, and probably not for the last time, to gain all the courage you need and show some love. Happy advent!