Recently, I was not able to meet my goals. I set myself some tasks I never completed. I felt I was failing… And then I spoke to my coach. She helped me see that what is happening is okay. I realised that without the movement, there can be no pause. And I needed a break. I had to stop and think about where I was going. Who was I? I was being stagnant.
Ever since I started falling in love, I did things that I was not accustomed to. Every morning I woke up and thought of the person I loved. Every evening, I sat down with the picture of a beloved one. Every weekend, I was spending time with the one who cared about me utterly and boundlessly. But somewhere along the way, I started forgetting about myself.
The more time I spent with the man I adored, the less attention I payed to the person I loved the most. Myself. And deep inside I felt this was unsustainable. I needed the time to just be. By myself. Alone, with my feelings and emotions. I needed to reconnect with myself.
Work has been going okay. I have now been working on some projects for a while and have gotten the hang of it. I was far from perfect but at least I knew what I was doing and had plenty of space for improvement. Importantly, I was surrounded by the people who trusted me, encouraged me and were very supportive. But for some reason, I was still lagging behind. Not with work or other responsibilities, but with being with myself.
I needed the time to just be. By myself. Alone, with my feelings and emotions.
This precious time of doing nothing was somehow getting lost and was replaced by other activities. From hiking with my partner to partying with my friends and catching up on writing blog posts. Everything seemed to be rushed, half-complete, half-okay. I was not satisfied with my own performance. And the ball kept rolling. New projects were appearing, new job offers coming through. I needed to learn to say no. ASAP. I always got so excited about the work I was offered that I found it nearly impossible to decline. But I simply had to.
When things became unbearable, I decided to take a break. Together with my coach, we planned my weekend getaway and she made me identify all the points I needed to make in order to be able to disconnect from my current life and re-connect with myself again. And it did wonders.
I experienced my first ever silent retreat. And I loved it. I finally had the space I was craving for.
From the point of stagnation, when I was not able to complete any tasks and felt miserable, rushing from one deadline to another, I finally had a chance to stop intentionally. I was being stagnant again. But this time, voluntarily. It served a purpose.
I allowed myself to do nothing. Surrounded by books and journals, I spent 48 hours doing exactly what I wanted. Not distracted by anything or anyone, I experienced my first ever silent retreat. I did not speak to people. I was present with my own thoughts and emotions and no one could ruin it. I eliminated all distractions. Switched off my mobile phone, turned off the wifi and data. I only took my laptop with me, so I could write. And yet, most of the time it was turned off.
And I loved it. I finally had the space I was craving for. The time and environment to be purely with myself. No disruptions, no interactions. Just me, myself and I. During this time, I managed to plan to change my blog. I developed a brand strategy for my upcoming book. But most importantly, I realised how I was feeling and could reflect on the things I was most grateful for.
Being alone was the best thing I could have done for myself and I look forward to another similar, silent, solo retreat. Until then, I will come back to the memories I captured through my diaries and re-read them every time I’ll feel rushed and stressed again. I encourage you to do the same and share with me how it all went (if you want to)...
Tell me (or yourself) honestly:
When was the last time you were alone? How did this make you feel? Why were you alone?
Write a list of things you love & are grateful for and share it with others to inspire ourselves...
Keep those things close to your heart and check them everyday. Soon you will feel the love…