This is a brief reflection I wrote after I broke up with Marc. We are now back together but I like to remind myself how intense it felt when we were apart.
In that moment, nearby the noisy river, she heard those words from him for the first time. I love you. Simple, honest and pure. It felt like the first kiss. Amazing, incredible, but kind of couldn’t believe it.
She forgot to speak and starred at him blankly, then smiled… This was the moment she was longing for ever since she met him. And now it became real. Many months later, after they experienced so much together - from happiness to sorrow - now she finally heard it. His confession. His love.
When he told her he loved her everything stopped. The whole world faded and all there was left was him and I. I felt loved, I felt adored, I felt like nothing else mattered. Him and I is all there’s been.
I was no longer in a possession of my feelings. They were all yours. You gained the control of everything.
And now, when I sit by my laptop and look out of the window, I can see the glittering sun again, the same one that shined on us when you first told me you love me. My heart stopped. It jumped out of my body and was suddenly all yours. That was the moment when I lost control. I was no longer in a possession of my feelings. They were all yours. You gained the control of everything.
And that is what scared me. I always wanted to be an independent, strong and protective woman. But with you, I let it all go. I let you be my lover, my partner, my guardian, my protector. You were my armour and my enemy. You were the cause of the biggest pain and the greatest pleasure I ever had. I almost forgot how bad it feels when you lose someone dear. And now, I lost three dear figures in my life, all at the same time. Can I take it anymore? Of course, I must, and will persevere.
Wait and hope that the reality of the everyday life won’t break us apart.
I cry, over and over again. It seems like it will never stop. I love you from the bottom of my heart and have foregone the sweetest treat I ever tasted. I let my head get in the way of our relationship. No doubts I still love you. Always. Just can’t carry on like this anymore, I have to be patient. That is the only solution I can see now. Wait and hope that the reality of the everyday life won’t break us apart.