My mindful approach to sex

I don’t often talk about sex. At least not on my blog. But I do love to chat about sex with people I know. It is thrilling to learn about different perspectives and broaden my view on such a common activity like sex. I love it and I don’t talk about sex to prove anything to anyone. Instead, I try to understand other people’s experiences to be able to elevate mine.

Over the past ten years, I saw various attitudes towards sex. Most of them, unfortunately, were driven by a male perspective and focus on the same goal - man’s orgasm. With more experience and education in the area, I learnt that having intercourse shouldn’t be about the climax, but more about the experience. It took me some time to realise that and get comfortable in saying what my preferences are to my partner. Once I overcame that fear, my sex life was transformed.

“First, I must establish a strong bond between either my partner and me or my body and my mind, then I can yield to emotions.”

When explaining my attitude towards sex, I often use tantra to demonstrate. I enjoy more the duration than the end-result of having sex (however you might define it). First, I must establish a strong bond between either my partner and me or my body and my mind, then I can yield to emotions. The most important element in sex is trust. One has to have complete faith in their partner and know well their as well as one’s own body. Only when I accepted my own body, was I able to have a new, more sensual and deeper experience of sex.

Endless manuals have been written about tantric sex. Start in the corner, fully clothed, looking into each others’ eyes. Begin naked, synching your breaths, avoiding the intercourse completely. Whist these guidelines might be helpful for some, I chose to create my own. I focus on bonding with my partner, and attempting to live through every touch, movement and look we shared. 

“I learnt to accept and adore my body and stopped trying to be someone else.“

The overall experience is indescribable. Only when I am fully present in the moment and comfortable in my body, do I encounter something extremely sensual. I wish everyone could experience the same. It can be life-changing but it needs time, sincere openness and trust. 

It took me a decade to get to where I am now. It might take another one for my views to alternate. But now, I am satisfied with the way it is. Never did I open up to someone in a way I do now. Without hurting anyone’s ego, it was all my credit though. I learnt to accept and adore my body and stopped trying to be someone else. Satisfied, confident and ready to be real. 

I listen to the signals of my body and use it to my advantage. Tantric sex is one option to enjoy sex more, but there are other ways to do that too. Paying attention to your body might not only transform your sex but also your love life. It sounds dangerous, but it is worth a try. Listen to your body and next time you get naked, touch it with love and adornment you reserve for others. Now it the time to finally think about, talk about and get crazy about having sex.