Romantic confession: Gaby in love

Finding the right words to describe love is hard. I have been a cynic for longer than I remember. Yet, I also experienced the highs and lows of falling in love. It is wonderful, it is lifting, it can hurt and even break a heart. But it is all worth the struggle. Don't you think? 

Love. What is this feeling we keep searching for but can never identify? Love means something different to each one of us. It can be an embrace, a kiss, a bed of roses or a simple smile. Love has a thousand definitions, yet, putting it in words seems impossible. How can you describe something that simultaneously happens to your mind, body and soul? You can do so through an experience, an example which might inspire others to recognise love around them and to finally identify what causes the butterflies in their stomach. For me, love is a safe place where I can be exactly who I am. No faking, just honesty.

As a stereotypical rom-com fan, I often picture myself as the heroine of a romantic movie, meeting my Prince Charming in the snowy land. Surprisingly, this scene is yet to happen. Similarly, as Aries, I experience deep emotions, positive and negative. However, love is something I am yet to live through. Or maybe not?

Love it not that hard to find. Just open your eyes.

I have been desperately trying to find the kind of love I see in the movies. I tried so much that I almost forgot about other forms of love - my friends, my family, myself. The latter is something I thought would never hurt me, yet, once I started realising who I've become as a human, I realised that unless I make peace with who I am, I will never learn to love others.

And so I tried, I started examining my nature and habits until I recognised my strengths and weaknesses and forgave myself for who I am not and learnt to appreciate who I am. No boundaries, no coverage, just me. Once I learnt to love myself, I started seeing love all around me. To remember those fragile moments of joy, I put them in writing. Today, I'd love to share a story of what happened when I first realised that love is not that hard to find. You just need to open your eyes.

Credit: Kertwo K (@kertwo_com)

It happened somewhat spontaneously. I was out with a friend and on my way home, I felt the urge to reconnect with an old acquaintance. He was home, so I dropped by. During our previous encounters, we might have let the wine guide our actions, but this time, it was all very different (more on being sober here). It was raw, it was deep, it was honest. We shared the sofa and spoke about life, the happy and the sad parts. We explored every corner of our personalities before we did so physically. Throughout the talk, our eyes locked. Later, when our bodies pushed against each other, I realised that I finally felt it. For the first time in my life, I was in love. The romantic form, the one I always searched for and finally found. Yes!

I try to be kind and cheerful whenever I am around people. This is my act of kindness, a lesson in love.

In the past, I have been an outgoing girl who disposed of men as she did of old clothes, but just like I became a minimalist and reduced the number of items I own, I had also been more selective with the kind of relationships I maintain. I often struggle to be intimate with people. But that night when I finally allowed myself to be exactly who I am, I felt accepted and adored. There was no need to pretend, no need to be someone else, just me. The person sitting next to me loved me for who I was, no who I was trying to recreate. On that sofa, I found my safe place, and I promised to myself to recreate this kind of love also in my day-to-day life.

Credit: Kertwo K (@kertwo_com)

I now try to be more open, more honest with everything I do. I know that a simple smile can go a long way. I try to be kind and cheerful whenever I am around people, to make their day a little brighter. This is my act of kindness, a lesson in love.

Writing this down, I close my eyes and picture that love moment one more time. I recall his body, shivers running down my spine, I see his lips and feel his hands, I remember that loving look on his face. Having someone make you feel comfortable from the inside out doesn't happen every day. But once it does, hold on tight and make it last! Being who you are is what makes you loveable - free of all the burdens created by society, free of pretending and all the other bullshit. Being honest is what allowed us to get close and intimate. With him, I never hid anything. If I laughed, he joined me, if I cried, he offered his shoulder. Next to him, I feel taller, brighter, smarter and my constant smile screamed to the world how happy I was.

That sparkle in the eye, that melting heart inside your chest. Loving is great. Let’s do it more often! 

Our paths have now separated, he has progressed in his life as have I in mine. We are both happy, each of us in our own way. But sometimes, when I am coming home at night, I recall this moment. The somewhat spontaneous act of faith that brought us together and let us both experience love. Thank you, destiny, for teaching me how to give and to receive love.

Love can be anything we want it to be. What some might see as ordinary, others perceive as love. That sparkle in your eye, that melting heart inside your chest, the shivers running up and down your back. Loving is great. Let’s do it more often!

All photo credit: IG kertwo_com