I often talk about love as a feeling, but love has endless forms of expression, one of which is sex. I will stay away from exposing my sexual partners’ history but instead will focus on the means itself. As we claim in Vagina-nomics, sex is private, but nothing to be ashamed of. Here is some inspiration for why you should talk about sex, at least with your partner and those involved.
Having co-founded Vagina-nomics is enough of a clue that I love to talk about sex and think we should all do it a bit more. But how to discuss sex without revealing any intimate details about your sexual partner(s) who might feel uncomfortable sharing? By talking about your own experience. So here is my sexual journey, what I experienced in bed, and how it shaped the person I’ve become.
My sex life began at the age of 16. I had no idea what I was doing, was afraid to bleed and feel awful pain (as warned by my dear girlfriends). Well, none of it happened, but I must admit that I didn’t particularly enjoy 'my first' since I was drunk and afraid to admit I was a virgin (silly me!). Well, a lot has changed since then.
The roller-coasted didn’t begin until I left high school and moved to London. In the UK, some people are religiously addicted to Tinder. And I became one of them. But it wasn’t until later (three years in), that I became Tinder-proficient. I am not proud of my one-night-stands but neither can I deny them. Well, what happens in London, stays in London. Right?
Sex is more than an intercourse. It is a ritual. Perhaps means of bringing two individuals together and becoming one. It's wonderful.
I was fed up with running after men in person and never getting sufficient attention from any of them, so I got swiping. It was quick, convenient, and efficient. But it made me feel like sh*t, so I quit. And then? Well, a series of regular sleepovers followed but again, led to nothing. I will fast-forward to launching the magazine where I first openly talked about orgasms, more precisely, the lack of. Like many, I was brought up thinking that sex ends with the climax of a man. WRONG! The mission of Vagina-nomics has been to bring down this stigma, and many others, and improve the state of our love lives.
Having spoken to many people who experienced this same misconception, I found the courage to finally focus on my own pleasure instead. And it was accompanied by my overall transformation (more of which here) which put me at the centre of my attention. And unsurprisingly, I started enjoying sex significantly more.
The path of exploring various sexual techniques unrolled in front of me and as I was visiting numerous sex shops (to discuss collaborations and partnerships for the magazine), I was drawn towards the various toys and products on display. I realised that those exist to enhance our sex lives and should be enjoyed without any sense of guilt or shame. And so, to walk the walk, I tried them. But the first few tries left me feeling unsure. However, after multiple attempts, I really started enjoying the use of vibrators, lubricants, and other tools. The important thing here is that nobody's watching, so why not to have fun?
Remember that talking about sex is nothing to be ashamed of and through regular and open conversation you can elevate the state of your relationship and boost your confidence levels.
Once in a while, the conversation shifted towards BDSM but I was resistant. With little experience, I had a hard time causing harm to my partner. However, after many conversations, the ice broke and I was ensured they are happy to be restricted in some way. So I proceeded. And to my surprise, we both enjoyed it even more. It was a whole transformation and, consequently, I fell in love with sex.
For me, sex is more than an intercourse. It is a ritual. Perhaps means of bringing two individuals together and becoming one - on a physical as well as a spiritual level. Another huge turn-on is tantra. A moment when I can look my partner straight in the eyes and feel we are connected. Sometimes, without even touching each other, we can simply feel and emerge. And that makes the overall experience that much deeper. I would honestly recommend it to anyone to try.
At this point, I must add that none of the techniques mentioned above are exclusive to or have ever been used with my current partner. This is a personal journey of mine on which I have been accompanied by various people. Therefore, it would be unfair to think that those are the techniques I currently practice. My partner‘s love life is private to him, just as yours is to you. The fact that I chose to share mine is to start a conversation and give you the courage to discuss your sexual preferences with your partner to be able to enhance the quality of your love life, as I believe that sex tells us more about ourselves than we would like to admit.
Sex, in my opinion, is an important element of life. For you, it might be extremely precious and private, and that’s wonderful. Just please remember that talking about sex is nothing to be ashamed of and only through open conversation can you elevate the state of your relationship as well as to boost your self-confidence. The choice is yours…