I get shivers just writing about this but a year and a month of persistent work is coming to an end. And the result? An interactive book about self-love. Thanks to all my mentors, contributors, and supporters who have accompanied me along the way. Here is a little taste of what The (R)evolution of Love is about. SHOP THE BOOK HERE.
Every day, on her way home, she would pick up her dry cleaning, take a yoga class, and listen to a podcast. Every day, on his way home, he would grab a pint, work out, and collect food. At home, they would eat together and watch TV. Every day was the same, Monday to Friday, no exceptions.
Each morning they would wake up, get ready, and walk to the station together. They would kiss goodbye on the platform and leave separately. It took them a good couple of months to create this perfect routine but now it was bulletproof - flawless. They both had great jobs with comfortable salaries that granted them a comfortable life. No kids, no mortgage. No pets, no children, no extra accessories. They didn’t have to worry about little everyday things like cooking, washing, or tidying up. Everything was done for them by someone else, someone who was paid to do it.
She was a regular spa-goer, he had a personal barber. They both maintained themselves well, and loved being in the center of attention - at work and every party. They both succeeded in gaining the status most people in the city wanted. Looking in from an outsider’s perspective, it seemed they had everything one could ever wish for. No flaws, no imperfections. But was it all really that idyllic?
Everyone around said how happy they were, what a fantastic fit they were. Great jobs, salaries, statused. Everything seemed just right and it was easy to think it was perfect. But the reality was different. In this pretentious society we live in, things often look good on the outside despite being rotten on the inside. And that was also the case with their relationship. But she did not know it yet.
JOURNALING INSIGHTS
Think about your present relationship (of any kind) and describe your current situation.
How did you get into this relationship?
Does it feel monotonous or exciting or both?
Have you fallen into the trap of a routine or not? How?
Are you sensing an urge to change something?
If so, what is preventing you from doing so?
Are you happy in this relationship?
If you were to describe it to a friend, what does happiness mean to you, what would you say?
Despite looking strong and independent on the outside, now more than ever, she needed to be vulnerable and weak. Even though this was how she felt inside she was scared to reveal it - to him, at least. Despite wanting to be wrapped in his arms and cheered up, she acted as if she was okay, and secretly cried on the bathroom floor before getting ready to go to bed.
Their sex life also became a routine. It took place only once a month and lasted exactly ten minutes until he orgasmed. She never did. He stopped caring and usually fell asleep, leaving her alone with her thoughts.
The tense situation came to a head after a particularly stressful period at work. Though she was still thriving in her job, she started experiencing extreme anxiety and feelings of abandonment. She and her partner became two strangers sharing the same household, there was no love, no excitement. Nothing.
Sometimes, she would try to start the unavoidable conversation of splitting up, but he would not ignore it. He blamed it on the stress and thought it would soon be over. But it wasn’t going anywhere! Her life was empty and dull, she was crying for help, and her body was sending her clear signals to stop. Regular headaches, intense panic attacks, and no period for months. It could not go on like this, she needed a break - immediately - from him, from life.
Having spent 16 hours in the office every day, she was always coming home late and exhausted. She was sick every morning, had a rash all over her body, couldn’t eat, and was vomiting regularly. This was burnout but she did not realise it, or didn’t allow herself to, there was too much work to be done.
She couldn’t remember the last time she felt any physical contact. They became distant and increasingly grew apart. They stopped having sex, the thing they loved the most. Their conversion died, their proximity dissolved. It wasn’t until she started vomiting every day that she finally sought the help of a doctor. After being prescribed some pills, she went home and carried on as before. Her job meant everything to her, there was no way she was going to slow down.
Her life suddenly stopped, her days were empty, and she kept asking herself ‘what will I do now?’.
By the time she hadn’t had her period for a year, she became accustomed to it. And then it kicked in! She collapsed on the floor and had to be taken to the hospital. Never before had she been hospitalised, nor forced to leave her phone in another room or stay still for more than two seconds. She was paralysed, having hit her rock-bottom both physically and mentally. Her life suddenly stopped, her days were empty, only her head was constantly spinning and she kept asking herself ‘what will I do now?’.
After some days in the hospital, she was going crazy. The doctors took all her devices away, she was struggling to get through the day - shaking and crying, and experiencing terrible anxiety. She was nervous and tense. No one would help her. And worse? He would not come to visit her even once. Not a single time.
In total, she spent a full month in the hospital. During this time, she kept replaying the story of how they met in her head. It was so romantic. So perfect at first, at least, so it seemed. And now it had all turned to crap. She could not believe her life had failed her so badly. She wanted to go back to her old self. To the time when she was still in love with him, crazy about him, obsessed with him.
ACTIVE REFLECTION
Go back to question 7 and re-read your answer
Get a piece of paper, and write your answer down
Put up this paper somewhere you can see it
Create a monthly reminder in your calendar
Every month, write down your definition of happiness
Compare each month to see if it changes at all and how
Make time to ask yourself regularly whether you are happy
These are the opening pages of chapter 1. If you can, please, support the book via transferring an arbitrary amount here or via the given QR code. If you'd like to learn more, feel free to contact me and keep an eye on my Instagram for more info. With special thanks to Ivana Nemcokova for her proofreading and to Zuzana Sperlova for her illustrations. And thanks to all of you supporting me on this crazy journey of publishing my own book. I couldn't have done it without you. Thank you!
SHOP THE BOOK HERE.