What if... Not my role to decide
What if I stayed in Bath? What if I graduated from German? What if I called the UK my home? I would have ignored my inner gut! And so, I have to stop asking those questions and instead focus on the presence. Besides, what is one regret compared to a thousand great memories?
Many questions often pop in my head, they create a doubt in my soul, draw a question mark in my head. They ask me, 'what if...' but instead of worrying how to justify their demanding commands, I choose to ignore them. 'What if' is a type of sentence I am starting to eliminate from my vocabulary. I made my bed and now I lay in it, sometimes comfortably, sometimes less so, but either way it provides a solid base. Instead of being dictated the societal pressures, I chose my future to be created by me and my destiny. And I am glad I did as else I would have not become the person I am today.
Instead of Bath, I chose to live in London (for the second time). Instead of German, I tried picking up French when I moved to Paris for a couple of months. Instead of boys, I have fallen in love with design, yoga and zero waste. And most importantly? I have built strong relationships.
My personality has always been quite shallow, it didn't have many layers, more like a blank diary that you open and need to fill in with a pen in your hand. At least that's what I thought. My life has been dictated by my parent, I never had much freedom, leave alone time, to make my own choices. As a result, everything I did was superficial, relationships included! It wasn't until I started paying my bills, that my light bulb moment arrived. From then on, I started looking for a deeper meaning in everything.
I have met many wonderful people who have tutored me, inspired me and encouraged me to be myself (it probably includes you, if you are reading this!). I have to thank one person especially, who has taught me how not to try to be any better than who I already am, but just to be more aware and considerate of all the influences around me. They have helped me overcome numerous challenges, supported me and always cheered for me in the back (or in the front row if necessary).
Good friends are like fireflies, they brighten your day and lift your heart.
Friendship has become a new concept in my life. I have always had friends, far too many, but never was I able to value the true gift of having these people open up to me and telling me the truth. Today, I realise how rare it is for someone to be honest with you, knowing all your weaknesses and still loving you regardless. Over the past, I have realised that good friends are like fireflies, they brighten your day and lift your heart.
Bath would have been wonderful, but London is where I belong. Now that I left, I feel a touch of sadness, yet I am happy with my decision. Thank you, everyone, who has joined me on my journey of becoming true to myself. I would not have done it without you. You gave me the courage to not be afraid to show who I am (to myself more than to anyone else).